Trump Bans Harvard From Admitting International Students

In a stunning move, the Trump administration has revoked Harvard University's right to admit international students, throwing over 9,970 anxious scholars into a whirlwind of bureaucratic chaos. Those foreign students left standing now face a hard choice: transfer or say goodbye to their legal status. Talk about a real-life educational cliffhanger!

Citing a refusal to disclose the conduct records of foreign students, Homeland Security declared its ultimate punishment, leaving professors fretting about the possible loss of 27.2% of the student body. This action has sparked debates hotter than your average Harvard coffee—how will the university keep its academic glow?

The White House chimed in, stating that “enrolling foreign students is a privilege, not a right,” as if that logic finally solves all our problems. Meanwhile, spokesperson Abigail Jackson claimed Harvard had transformed into "anti-American" territory, as if the Ivy League haven was secretly plotting world domination. Rumor has it they’re also auditioning for a reality show!

Amid this swirling storm, Harvard stands firmly against the demands, pointing out that the requests for an “audit” of student viewpoints are, frankly, a bit too much like a jilted relationship asking for all your friend’s passwords. After all, academic independence isn’t just a motto; it’s practically their superhero cape!

The university’s leadership declared the SEVP revocation “unlawful,” promising to uphold its legacy of hosting international talent from over 140 countries. As word spreads, you can almost hear the collective gasp of confusion from those aspiring scholars, wondering if they should pack for a new institution or look into studying at Hogwarts instead. Because who doesn't love a little magic when reality bites?

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